A Baby Boomer Prays

Divine Mystery,

Just below the surface

of my day-to-day thoughts

and feelings,

I sometimes glimpse

a Leviathan,

a terrifying monster

that twists, and turns,

and coils itself

around my heart,

causing me to catch my breath

in abject fear.

I shake the magic eight ball,

and questions float to the surface.

Questions that are the sole property of

aging Baby Boomers:

How much longer do I have?

Will I be lucky or unlucky in health?

Will I be left alone?

Will I suffer before I die?

Will my mind leave me?

(I’m already forgetting things)

When will the final shoe drop?

When the Leviathan surfaces

I begrudge the way it distracts me

from the glow of now.

And I will do whatever it takes to

coax it back under the surface;

to stop feeling all the

difficult feelings

it evokes in me.

At these times I turn to:

You, for guidance

Gratitude, for perspective

Television, for distraction

Food, for comfort

Work or chores, for busyness.

Usually, before too long,

the Leviathan recedes

back into the depths,

leaving my

conscious awareness.

But I know it’s just

a matter of time before

it surfaces

once again and

pays me another visit.

There’s no growing out of

believing in this monster

as a child would.

Quite the opposite.

As I age, it only becomes

more and more real to me.

Then, this morning,

during yet another appearance,

reality shifted for me,

and it appears to have

changed everything.

It suddenly occurred to me

that the Leviathan

that keeps surfacing

despite all my efforts,

might actually be – You!

Divine Mystery,

Reaching out to me.

Reminding me of your closeness.

Supporting me.

Preparing me.

Accompanying me.

I began to wonder

what if,

instead of ignoring  

these scary thoughts and fears

that keep surfacing,

what if

I open myself up to them.

What if I

made them feel at home.

Listened to them.

Let them take the time they need.

Might that bring me some peace?

Might I learn something from them?

Divine Mystery,

Help me attune myself

to your sonar.

Help me welcome

your visits.

And through these

encounters with You,

help me learn to

better accept

my own aging

for the privilege

that it is,

and entrust

the future

to the future.

Help me recognize

the wisdom

my childhood,

my youth,

my young adulthood,

and my middle age

crafted within me.

In this penultimate

time of my life,

help me mine that wisdom

and offer it,

as best I can,

to this hungry world,

with a generous

and open

heart.

AMEN