A Grandparent’s Spiritual Toolkit

Recent studies have shown that a high level of grandparent involvement is linked to grandchildren’s emotional and cognitive development, positively impacting their well-being even into early adulthood.  As a Catholic grandparent, I would add that grandparent involvement is also an invaluable link to children’s spiritual and religious development.

Recently, I reached out to twenty of my friends and acquaintances to learn how they share their faith with their grandchildren. While this is not a controlled sample that can draw scientific conclusions, it offers a heartfelt glimpse into how those I care about, who are navigating the landscape of Catholic grandparenting just as I am, approach this important role.

I found it telling that even among those whose grandchildren are currently being raised Catholic, there is a range of concern about whether their grandchildren will embrace the faith long-term. When asked what specific Catholic traditions or rituals they didn’t want their grandchildren to miss out on they responded as follows:

While some of the grandparents felt at ease discussing faith with their grandchildren, others found it a bit daunting to begin those kinds of conversations.  The good news is that passing on the faith does not have to hinge entirely on verbal teaching moments.  Here are three strengths that many grandparents naturally bring to the table.

Unhurried Time

Many parents are running in twelve directions at once, multi-tasking with work, school, meals, and after-school activities. When grandparents are able to share unhurried time with their grandchildren, when they can share activities or simply enjoy them, it helps children know that they are loved, cared for and appreciated. During these times a bond forms that allows children to reveal themselves emotionally and feel reassured that they are loved for who they are. The grandparent who can offer a consistent role model of unconditional love is modeling God’s love. To quote Fr. Richard Rohr, “There is nothing to prove and nothing to protect. I am who I am and that’s enough.”

I asked the same group of friends and acquaintances what tools they use to stay connected with their grandchildren. Their connection moments happen in a variety of ways:

Family Rituals and Stories

As my sister-in-law says, “we’re making memories.” Grandparents provide continuity of faith when they pass down family religious traditions.  Advent wreaths and calendars, manger scenes, crucifixes and other religious symbols in a grandparent’s home are visual signs of faith. In these objects children intuit the value their grandparents place on their religious beliefs.

Along with visual cues, personal or family stories can weave tales that pass on family lore and family faith.  As a child, I remember an aunt casually mentioning that we had a farmer ancestor who settled in the northern Ohio River Valley shortly after the Revolutionary War who soon moved his family further south in order to be near a Catholic church. Stories like this, remembrances of first communions, talking about a great priest we once knew, add a sense of coherence to children’s lives, offering them a framework on which to build their own experiences.

Prayer

Many of the grandparents I contacted mentioned that they regularly pray for their grandchildren. Some tell their grandchildren that they are praying for them. Others incorporate prayer before meals or occasionally at bedtime.  A few also mentioned attending Mass together when grandchildren visit.

When we lean into prayer it transforms us.  Praying for grandchildren adds a spiritual dimension to a grandparent’s love, keeping grandchildren spiritually close no matter the physical distance. And when we pray with our grandchildren, we welcome God right into the relationship we share with them. Both kinds of prayer, whether prayed on their behalf or prayed side-by-side, reinforce a grandparent’s spiritual bond to their grandchildren. The simple secret is to just keep at it.

Grandparents have a spiritual legacy to share with their grandchildren. It is the legacy of faith and religious tradition that has sustained them through difficult times and made life’s joys all the richer.  As we imagine the paths that lie before our grandchildren, we yearn for them to have that same wellspring of comfort and resilience when challenges and joys come their way.

We can talk to them about how much our faith has helped us live lives of purpose and meaning, but we can only say so much.  Someone wisely once said that “faith is caught, not taught.” It is comforting to know that unhurried time, family traditions, and ongoing prayer are sacramentals tucked into our grandparent toolkit. So are breakfast dates, texts, and movie nights. We simply need to recognize the opportunities these ordinary moments offer us, use them wisely, and love the heck out of those kids.